More Than A Memory
by courderouge2006
Summary: Even the most powerful beings on the planet can feel this pain. "More Than a Memory" by Garth Brooks. My first attempt at a less than happy fic. Hope you enjoy.


**More Than a Memory**

Clark stumbled out of the bar, his boots catching on the small step up and sending him stumbling into the light post across the sidewalk. Laughing loudly he turned, siding down until he hit the sidewalk. Touching his nose, he felt blood running from his nostril, making him laugh again. "Shit… that hurt!" was followed by another louder laugh. People just kept walking past him, shaking their heads.

After a few minutes, Clark pulled himself up to his feet slowly. Taking a few moments to make sure he was steady, he turned down the sidewalk to head to the next bar.

_**People say she's only in my head**_

_**It's gonna take time but I'll forget**_

Forcing himself to walk straight, he walked up to the bar and ordered several shots. Staring at the first, he glanced up and noticed himself in the mirror behind the shelves of liquor. Almost snarling, he threw back the shot.

Tossing back the second shot… and then the third… he glared at himself in the mirror. He rubbed his hands together, his breathing getting louder and heavier.

This was the third bar he was tossed out of for throwing a shot glass and breaking a mirror.

_**They say I need to get on with my life **_

_**What they don't realize**_

Clark landed on the hood of a car parked against the sidewalk when security threw him out. Turning slowly, he had to grab the car to keep from sliding off. "Oh yea? Well screw you!"

He stumbled down the sidewalk for hours, his feet taking him somewhere he knew by heart. He didn't even have to think about it to get there, his mind was just on auto-pilot. He stood in front of the apartment building, staring up to the third window from the east end on the fifth floor. Looking straight up made him lose his balance, and he hit the pavement hard, not even trying to get himself off the ground. He just kept staring at the window.

_**Is when you're dialing 6 numbers just to hang up the phone **_

_**Driving cross town just to see if she's home **_

_**Waking a friend in the dead of the night **_

_**Just to hear him say it's going to be alright**_

Stumbling down the street, he finally found an outdoor café that was closed and fell into one of the chairs, pulling his phone out of his pocket out of instinct by this point. He stared at the number that was called up, his finger hovering over the "send" button. Finally mustering up the courage he hit send.

He hit end immediately and put the phone back in his pocket.

He had been sitting there for who knows how long when he heard a familiar voice call out to him.

"Clark?"

He glanced up to see a head of blonde hair and a confused face. "Hey Chlooooooe."

Chloe sat down next to him quickly, putting her hand on his cheek. "Oh god Clark, what happened to you? Is there something out there with powers again?"

Clark scoffed. "Oh yea. Bout a hundred proof power." He leaned back, laughing at his own sad joke.

Chloe shook her head. "How are you drunk Clark, you can't…?" She stood quickly, moving over and patting his jacket down. "Where is it?"

Clark pushed her hands away. "Hey handsy! You gotta buy dinner first if you're gonna get that grabby!" He looked at her with a look somewhere between shock and… well, constipation was the best way she could classify it. She guessed he was tryin to look serious.

"Where the hell is it Clark, you can't just play around with this stuff like this and you know that!" She felt his front pocket and felt a rock. "Aha!"

Clark grabbed at her hand, staring up into her eyes. "Chloe… don't."

Chloe looked back into his eyes. She saw that he was hurting, badly. "Clark, why do you need this?"

Clark shook his head, looking away. "It doesn't matter."

_**When you're finding things to do, not to fall asleep  
Cause you know she'll be there in your dreams  
That's when she's  
More than a memory**_

She sighed. "Clark, its one A.M. What are you doing out here?"

"Maybe I should ask you the same questions there little Miss Know-It-All."

Chloe brushed that statement off and picked him up by his arm. "Let's go big guy. We're gonna get you home."

Clark tried to push her away, but he just resigned himself to the fate of having to give up for the night. It was pretty late. He let Chloe lead him to her car, and he was asleep only minutes into the long drive back to the farm.

Chloe spent the drive trying to figure out what had happened with her best friend. And why he thought he needed that stupid rock.

_**Took a match to everything she ever wrote  
Watched her words go up in smoke  
Tore all her pictures off the wall  
That ain't helping me at all**_

The scene at the Kent farmhouse was like nothing she'd ever seen before. Helping Clark stumble up the steps and then seeing him rip the door off the hinges instead of using his key, she dropped him on the sofa. She noticed the small metal pail on the coffee table. Reaching in she found only charred remains of newspaper clippings. "Clark, these are your bylines with Lois. This is your work. What are you doing burning this?"

"Not my work. Hers. I'm a useless tagalong lump according to some people." Clark's arm was over his face, his voice low and soft.

_**Cause when you're talking out loud but nobody's there  
You look like hell & you just don't care  
You're drinking more than you ever drank  
Sinking down lower than you ever sank**_

Chloe walked over to the kitchen, seeing various bottles littering the counter space. Beer, whiskey, tequila. "Clark, what were you trying to do here?"

"Forget…" His voice trailed off slowly as he fell asleep on the sofa.

Chloe saw her chance. Slipping up next to him, she sighed and reached into his pocket slowly, trying not to startle him and wake him up. She almost had the stone out when he stirred and looked around. He saw her hand just as it pulled away. "Chloe, NO!!!"

_**When you find yourself falling down upon your knees  
Praying to God, begging him "please"  
That's when she's  
More than a memory**_

She saw a blue flash in his eyes when he popped up suddenly, his speed kicking in. Chloe fell back onto the coffee table as he jumped to avoid smashing into her. Clark turned to look at her, his eyes wide, a scared look on his face. "What… why? Why did you do that?!"

Chloe stepped back, holding the small piece of blue rock in her hand. "You don't need this Clark, this isn't you. I don't know what went wrong today, but you can't hide away from it like a scared kid."

"YOU DON'T ALWAYS KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR EVERYONE YOU KNOW!"

Chloe stepped back from the physical force of Clark's shouting. She couldn't remember the last time he had yelled at her like that.

"Now I've gotta start all over. Give me the stone," he held his hand out to her.

Chloe shook her head slowly. "No Clark. You might not think so, but I'm right about this."

"Give… me… the… stone." He stepped closer to her with each word.

She shook her head again, holding her hands behind her back. "No Clark!" She turned her back to him, heading for the door.

"Chloe please!?"

And that stopped her. She heard a thump and turned slowly, seeing him on his knees, his hands on the floor and his face down. She could tell he was breathing hard from the way his back was heaving. She had never heard him sound that weak, not even when he was human. "Clark?" She stepped closer slowly, putting a hand out to touch his shoulder.

He looked up to her, his eyes red. Tears were streaking down his cheeks. "Chloe… I need that. I need to get rid of this… it hurts so much. That's the only way I can dull the pain. It's the only way I can deal with this pain."

She knelt down on the floor with him, her arm around his shoulders. "What is it Clark?"

He stared at the worn wooden floors, his words catching in his throat. "Her."

_**She's more  
She's more**_

"What? Who is 'her', Clark?"

He didn't say a word, he just reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, handing it to her. She opened it, looking through the call list… and gasped. "Whoa… you… you called her number like… thirty times tonight?"

He shook his head. "I hit end as soon as I called. I can't… she doesn't want me."

"What do you mean want you Clark? Since when do you care about Lois like…?" Her mouth fell open suddenly. "Oh my god. You… you love her don't you?"

_**Cause when you're dialing her number just to hang up the phone  
Driving cross town just to see if she's home  
Waking a friend in the dead of the night  
Just to hear him say it's going to be alright**_

Clark stood up, rubbing his sleeve across his eyes. "I better get an early start on my chores."

Chloe followed him out the door. "No Clark, talk to me! This is serious!"

_**When you're finding things to do, not to fall asleep  
Cause you know she's waiting in your dreams  
**_

Clark just kept walking. "It's nothing Chloe. It's no big deal. People deal with this all the time."

"People don't intentionally use a rare stone that can make them mortal just so they can do irreparable damage to their livers, Clark! This is serious for you."

He walked into the barn, flipping the lights on. "No… it's not. I just… wanted to be a normal guy for a while."

Chloe shook her head. "But you are a normal guy, Clark."

Clark glared back at her, then with one hand he picked up the tractor in the center of the barn.

Chloe sighed. "Well… you have feelings, and emotions like normal guys. You feel what humans do, Clark. You know love, and you know hurt. We all have to go through periods like that.

"You don't get it, Chloe."

She grabbed his arm, trying to make him put the tractor down. "Then explain it to me! Clark, I'm your best friend."

He sighed again. "Chloe… I just…" He shook his head. "The woman in my life who doesn't even know the truth about me is the one who makes me feel the most like a real person. Like a normal person. And… if I tell her the truth, what will happen then? I'll lose her."

He dropped the tractor and walked over to the tool chest, fingers moving over the ratchets and wrenches absent mindedly. "I've already lost her."

Chloe sighed. "You don't know that."

Clark couldn't even look at her. "Yea, I have." He tossed a screwdriver back into the tool chest. "You can crash her if you want to. It's late to be driving so far." He walked into the house, his back to her the whole time.

Chloe let out a deep breath. Things had never really been simple in their lives. How do you deal with a heartbroken big dumb alien? She stared at the small stone in her hand and briefly, for just a millisecond, considered giving it back to him. She stuffed it back into her pocket. "He's got to do this himself."

Kicking a rock out of the door of the barn, she made her way back to the farm house for what she was sure would be a great night's sleep.

_**That's when she's  
More than a memory**_

--

Clark sat at his desk the next morning, running through police scanners and trying to find a lead on the newest story that had been passed down to them by Tess.

Lois finally arrived a half hour later than she usually did, a wide grin on her face. "Hey Smallville, how was your night in the land of plaid?"

Clark brushed it off and glanced up at her. But his eyes stopped at her hand. "Uh, Lois? Something you want to share?" He forced his mouth to make the words, even though he knew he wouldn't want the answer.

She looked down. "Ohhhhh yea! Bruce came by last night and took me out for a special dinner. It was really special." Her eyes sparkled almost as much as the diamond on her hand.

Clark shifted his eyes all around the desk before finally meeting hers again. "That's… that's great Lois. I've got to check out a source for our new story. Be back in a while." He grabbed his jacket and headed for the elevator, not looking back at her.

"Smallville? You ok there?"

He waved without turning to face her. "Fine Lois. Congratulations." Stepping into the elevator, he stared at the button panel until the doors closed. Finally cut off from her prying eyes, his hand crushed the PDA he was holding, the pieces falling to the floor. Taking a few deep breaths, Clark looked up at the doors, willing himself to hold back the feelings trying to get out. Tossing the remains of the palm pilot to the ground, he exited the elevator, trying to get outside for fresh air. He loosened his tie, gulping in lungfuls of air.

He looked around the streets, making sure no one was paying attention to him…

And he just ran.

_**People say she's only in my head  
Gonna take time but I'll forget**_


End file.
